The Letter
by cheekymice
Summary: My Chrismukkah sentence challenge. Ryan writes a letter to a teenage Sophie in the hope of getting her to understand the meaning of parental 'mistreatment' a little better.


**Title: **The Letter  
**Beta:** None but spellcheck held my hand.  
**Rating:** Nothing to worry about.  
**Disclaimer:** I still don't own The OC, Ryan or Benjamin McKenzie.  
**Story:** My Chrismukkah challenge was written for the rather fabulous **smc36**. I tried several different story-lines but this is what wanted to be written. I'm sorry it's probably nothing like you expected from the line which was **"Wait, did you really buy me underpants for Chrismukka?!" **

**The Letter**

_28th Dec 2020_

_Dear Sophie,_

_I decided to write a good old fashioned letter as it might be a better way to communicate seeing as you put the phone down on me last time we spoke._

_I also thought that I'd write as this way you could actually digest what I've got to say rather than theatrically rolling your eyes and 'tutting' at me._

_I've got to say that I was disappointed that you felt you couldn't speak to me yesterday. I know you feel frustrated with us all 'lecturing' you but we've always been able to talk and I thought we had a better relationship than that. _

_Let me first say that I'm your brother and I love you very much. I think the day you were born was probably the happiest day of my life. You were beautiful, so tiny but perfect in every way. The first time I held you in my arms you clung onto my finger like you were never going to let it go and you stared into my eyes. You completely hypnotized me Sophie. I think that day was the first time I really felt like I was truly part of the family. _

_I know we never really talked about my past before, not that it was any secret but it was just that… all in the past. You never asked why I had a different last name than you. You never asked why I called your mom and dad by their first names. You didn't seem interested. I was just your brother and that was that._

_Our error._

_Remember when you were ten and we found out that you were telling all your school I'd been to prison because I'd killed a man. You'd heard snippets of conversations over the years and thought you'd discovered the answers to all your questions. It also answered my questions as to why your school friends were acting so weird around me! _

_Sophie._

_I didn't care about being labelled a murderer but what hurt most was the fact that you were telling people that I wasn't your 'real' brother._

_I told you then what I'm telling you now. I am your brother and I've always thought of you as my sister Sophie, no matter what our last names may be. _

_I think now in hindsight we were wrong not to have explained things better than we did when you were younger but we never thought it was important. I also think that no one ever talked about it out of respect to my feelings._

_I think it's time to be honest with you now that you are older. So Soph, as you remember after the whole 'I'm living with an axe murderer' episode we told you about how your mom and dad took me in after I stole a car but I guess that is only part of the story. _

_I've never really talked about what happened before I came to live with your mom and dad Sophie… even with Seth. Even now I really don't like reliving those days but I think you are smart enough to understand why I'm going to share this with you._

_My father was a mean drunk, I know that looking at Uncle Frank now it's hard to believe but back then he thought nothing of hitting my mom and me and my brother. I was so scared of him, I mean really scared Sophie. When I came home from school I'd never know what mood he'd be in…whether it was going to be one of his good days or would he lash out. Many times I'd sit at my desk at school and daydream about how things would be if he wasn't around but things don't always work out the way we want. Dad got sent to prison and the life I thought we'd have without him didn't materialize._

_My mom …I don't think you remember Dawn, she was around a little bit when you were a toddler but she left town when you were about five...anyway, mom started drinking more and more after dad left. It's no secret that your mom had a problem with alcohol. That's something she's always been open about and the reason you should understand why your mom went mad when she found out you were stealing beers from the fridge! Anyway your mom drank because she was unhappy with her job and her father had just died and she was devastated. She was what's known as 'a functional drinker', which means she hid it well. That was why none of us realized she had a problem until she hit rock bottom but even at her worst she never stopped caring about us. The main person she hurt was herself._

_With my mom it was different. Dawn partied hard, she took drugs and the more she partied the more she pushed my brother and me away. She'd think nothing of slapping us and her speciality was throwing empty bottles. Looking back she was just plain sloppy. She stopped cooking for us, housework went out the window and all she cared about was herself._

_Then there were her 'boyfriends'. If I thought dad was bad then I got introduced to a whole world of hurt when he left. At least dad was family but imagine what seems like a constant stream of strangers going through your house, most wanting to show you who is the boss and each letting you know that they had more rights to be there than you. _

_In five years 'I' broke my wrist, four of my ribs, my collar bone, sprained my ankle and dislocated my right shoulder twice. That is without the split lips, black eyes and lets just say that this nose doesn't look exactly like the one god gave me. _

_I learnt to cope with all that shit because at least I had my family. I loved my mom no matter what she did or how many times she ignored what her boyfriends did._

_She was my mom._

_Then she left._

_What hurt me the most was the knowledge that she didn't want me. _

_Sophie, just imagine coming home one day to find the house empty and a note saying you are on your own. I wasn't much older than you when mom did just that to me. The house was cleared out of everything…everything we owned, even my stuff and she just left. _

_That is the real reason why I ended up living with your mom, dad and Seth. I had nowhere to go and they took me in. They looked beyond my mistakes and my record when most people wouldn't have._

_Before mom left I'd spent lots of nights sleeping rough when things got shit at home and it's seriously hard. I was just thirteen the first time and it scared me witless. It's okay during the day but at night, once the sun goes down it turns ugly. It gets so cold and every low-life seems to crawl out of the woodwork and trust me, they prey on the kids on the street. Junkies that need to score and the just plain nasty who think its sport to beat up on homeless kids. _

_I got beaten up a couple of times, I had my wallet stolen and several times I got approached by seedy men, I don't need to tell you what they wanted. Made me feel dirty even though I ran a mile. I felt so lonely and it's funny how quickly your friends disappear when you can't wash your clothes or take a shower. There is nothing remotely glamorous or fun about living on the streets believe me._

_Without the kindness of your mom and dad I dread to think what would have happened to me after mom left. If it hadn't been for them I would have been on the streets for real and I honestly believe that I'd be a career criminal now without them…that or dead._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is…I know you feel like no one understands you and it seems like your mom and dad never let you do what you want but I would have done anything to have patents like yours growing up, parents that actually cared about me and what I did and next time you talk of 'running away' stop and think about what you are leaving behind. What exactly are you running away from?_

_A loving family who'd do anything for you?_

_A warm and comfortable house?_

_Parents that would never dream of raising a hand to you?_

_Sounds rough huh._

_Sophie, I don't think having your mom and dad imposing a curfew on a school night is a good enough reason; neither is having the decency to ring your parents if you are going to be late._

_You think your parents smother you but they do because they love you, they worry about you and just want you to be safe. You say that your friends don't have such restrictions and it's not fair but as you've heard it's not necessarily a great thing to have parents who don't care. Also I suspect that most of your friends have to follow the same rules. Oh and Soph, when you have kids of your own you'll be having the exact same arguments with them...I think it's called payback!_

_Your parents are pretty special people, they aren't perfect but they're pretty darn close._

_I hope that this letter has helped you realize that things could be a lot worse. Let's face it you could have had my parents._

_Lecture over._

_Love you sis_

_Ryan_

_xx_

_P.S Wait, did you really buy me underpants for Chrismukka? Superman underpants! You get more like Seth as you get older…. trust me that is NOT a good thing: ) _

**Fin**


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